I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
