Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
