when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
