At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
