My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
