My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
it hurts more in the daytime
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
