If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
