So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
