my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
