I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
