Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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