Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
