i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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