thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I love you. Go after that dick
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
