This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
