Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
