i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
