i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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