sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
