Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
