he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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