I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
