Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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