you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
