Can i not drive my cunt home
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
