I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
