Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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