I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
