I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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