I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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