can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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