you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
