i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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