Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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