went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
