He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Buhtt sex?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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