Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
