I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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