At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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