you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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