the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
