Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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