Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
