dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
