Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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