just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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