she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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