Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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