i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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