Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
