There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
