tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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