so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
