Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
